**Explanation for missing a day ** Yesterday, Bud and I got up at 1:30 AM to drive Sam to JFK. We won’t see him again until he finished his fall semester in December. We got home at 9:15 AM and went right to work making salads for a picnic we were attending later in the afternoon. We left the house at 10:45 AM for Karl’s soccer game in Oneonta. After the soccer game, I went with my parents to BJs then their house then our friends’ house. We got home after 9 PM. I did not have a quiet time. It was Sunday and I didn’t even go to church. As Mary said on the car ride home, “It doesn’t feel like a Sunday. It feels like a Saturday! We always go to church on Sunday.” This was one of the rare exceptions…
I’ve been listening to the audiobook Acedia and Me by Kathleen Norris. Yesterday, I listened to some of it as well as some worship music on my MP3 while riding in the car. That was my spiritual sustenance for the day.
Psalm 139, Isaiah 61, Hebrews 4:11 – 5:14
Acedia and Me was fresh in my mind this morning as I began my quiet time. The General Confession speaks of sin in these terms: I have —
- Erred and strayed from your ways like a lost sheep
- Followed too much the devices and desires of my heart
- Offended against thy holy laws
- Left undone those things which I ought to have done
- Done those things that I ought not to have done
Acedia, a sin that is nearly impossible to simply define, doesn’t fit into these sins of omission or commission, but is a sin of the heart and thought and mind. It’s not a sin of desire or device; in fact, it’s a lack of desire or device. And I realize that I am deeply afflicted with this sin that is considered one of the deadly (or mortal) sins.
With that in mind, imagine how these words hit me this morning:
Psalm 139:1-3 O LORD, you have searched me and known me! 2You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
3You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Psalm 139:23-24 Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
24And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
Hebrews 4:12-13 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. 13And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.
In that final passage, which I have been thinking on for many days, which I know to be paired with a warning against falling into disobedience and sin, I see now how God’s word does pierce to the very heart of things. He isn’t looking at my sins of omission or commission. He is looking at my heart — and He sees my acedia.
Thank you, Lord, for revealing to me a HUGE block that keeps me from following You more fully.
Thank you for searching me.
Thank you for knowing me.
Thank you for discerning my thoughts.
Thank you for exposing what You see.
Lead me in the way everlasting!